There was a time in our community when dating was sacred. A man and a woman came together because they wanted to build something real. They talked about love, family, faith, and a future. It wasn’t about what someone drove or how much was in their bank account. It was about two hearts growing together.
Today, that world is disappearing fast. Modern dating has been hijacked by a transactional mindset. Instead of asking, “Do you love me?” the new question is, “What can you do for me?” Intimacy is being sold without being called what it really is. It’s silent prostitution, hiding behind nice words and fake empowerment.
Young men are now afraid to even approach women because they know the conversation will not be about who they are—but what financial benefits they can provide. Many women brag online that a man must “pay to play,” while calling it “standards.” But standards are based on moral character, not price tags.
This sickness started in American culture and is now spreading across the world through social media, especially in Black communities. Instead of love, we now have negotiations. Instead of marriage, we have arrangements. Instead of building families, we are selling access to our bodies like a subscription service.
It’s time to call it out. What people are calling “dating” is becoming no different than prostitution—just hidden behind pretty words, fake romance, and dinner dates that end with unspoken obligations. Let’s break it down.
How Modern Dating Turned Into Silent Prostitution
Love Replaced by Lifestyle Demands
Many people today do not date for love. They date to upgrade their lifestyle. The relationship is not about connection, it’s about financial benefit. A man is not chosen for his heart, but for his spending power.
“Pay My Bills” Culture
Some women now openly say, “If you want to be with me, pay my rent, my nails, my hair, my phone bill.” This is a direct trade: money for access. That is prostitution dressed up as “relationship standards.”
Intimacy as a Reward for Financial Favors
Intimacy used to be a product of love and trust. Now it’s a reward system. “You pay for this trip, I’ll give you attention.” That is a transaction, not affection. That is bedroom bargaining at the most basic level.
Social Media Influencers Pushing Materialism
Social media has become a training ground for transactional relationships. Influencers tell young girls, “Don’t date a man unless he’s paying for everything.” This turns dating into a business deal instead of a bond.
Sugar Dating and “Soft Prostitution”
Websites where women are labeled “sugar babies” and men are “sugar daddies” are becoming normalized. It’s nothing more than prostitution with fancy names. It teaches the younger generation that love is for fools and money is the key to intimacy.
Good Men Getting Pushed Away
Many good men who want marriage are rejected because they don’t lead with money. Women demand financial proof before emotional connection. Instead of asking, “Does he have character?” they ask, “Can he cash me out?”
Everyday Women Adopting Celebrity Lifestyle Expectations
It used to be that rich celebrities and entertainers had that flashy lifestyle. Now everyday people expect the same benefits without the same accomplishments. Women who don’t even own a car will demand one as a gift from a man they just met.
Conditional Intimacy
The unspoken rule is this: you pay, you play. If the money stops, the intimacy stops. That is not a relationship. That is a financial contract with a bedroom clause attached.
Men Playing the Same Game
Some men have also fallen into this sickness. They spend money not to build a bond, but to collect bodies. They no longer court women—they buy access. This destroys the value of real masculine leadership and replaces it with trick culture.
The Death of Courtship and Marriage
Courtship used to be a journey toward marriage. Now dating is just a series of paid auditions. There is no plan for marriage or family, only short-term benefits. This mindset is causing a collapse of stable Black families and leaving both men and women empty.
What We Lost: The Traditional Path
Dating
Dating used to mean getting to know someone’s values, dreams, and goals.
Courting
Courtship meant a man was serious, respectful, and planning marriage.
Engagement
Engagement was a joyful time of preparing homes and hearts for family life.
Marriage
Marriage was not a business arrangement. It was a lifetime bond blessed by God, guided by love, and focused on future generations.
A Call Back to Real Love
We cannot build strong Black families on transactions. We cannot raise powerful children on temporary “situationships.” We must return to love, honor, duty, and real connection. If our people continue to put price tags on intimacy, we are selling our souls for quick benefits and losing our future.
Real relationships are not built on what someone can buy, but on what both people can build together. A woman who supports her man and a man who protects his woman—this is the foundation of strong community. We need to stop selling ourselves and start valuing ourselves.
If we want real love, real stability, and a return to family, we must kill the spirit of silent prostitution that has taken over modern dating. Because love is not a transaction—it is a covenant. And until we return to that truth, we will keep losing.
Without real love, our relationships will stay shallow and broken.
Without marriage-minded courtship, our children will suffer the consequences.
Without accountability, we will continue to normalize behavior that destroys our community.
We must teach our young people that self-worth is not based on what you can get, but what you can give to build a legacy.
Love is not for sale. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can start healing.
