INSECURITY AS A WEAPON...

There’s a sickness moving quietly through our communities, and it’s not something you can see under a microscope. It’s not a disease of the body, but of the mind and spirit. I’m talking about insecurity — that silent poison that makes certain people feel like the only way they can feel big is by making someone else feel small. I’ve seen it in all walks of life, from the street corner to the boardroom. Some men and women are so eaten up inside by what they lack that they spend their entire lives trying to pull others down.

I’m not talking about a little healthy insecurity, like when you see someone who’s in better shape and you feel motivated to hit the gym. No, I’m talking about the kind of insecurity that turns into resentment, competition, and sabotage. This is the insecurity that breeds jealousy when you’re shining, even if your shine cost you years of blood, sweat, and tears to earn.

The crazy thing is, the people who operate like this don’t always look like they’re insecure. Some of them are loud, aggressive, and even charismatic. They dominate conversations. They try to have the last word every time. They keep score in a game only they are playing. But underneath all of that noise is fear — fear of being exposed, fear of being irrelevant, fear of not measuring up.I’ve learned that many of these people are stuck in a mental prison built in their childhood. Maybe they were never praised for their accomplishments. Maybe they were constantly compared to a sibling or told they weren’t good enough. Maybe they came from nothing and have been chasing validation their whole lives. Whatever the reason, they’ve turned their hurt into a habit: if they can’t feel good about themselves, they’ll make sure you don’t feel good about yourself either.

And if you’re a confident person, they will come for you harder than anyone else. Why? Because your confidence reminds them of everything they’re missing inside. It burns them up to see someone walk into a room without begging for approval. They’ll try to dim your light, not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because they can’t stand the reflection of their own darkness when you shine.

Where These Insecurities Come From

Most deep insecurities are born in childhood. A boy grows up with a father who never gives him approval, so he spends his adult life overcompensating. A girl grows up with a mother who compares her to everyone else, so she learns to tear other women down to feel secure. These wounds don’t heal on their own. If they’re not dealt with, they harden into bitterness.

In our community, a lot of this is generational. If a man grows up in survival mode, never getting a fair shot at resources or opportunities, sometimes he measures his worth by how many people he can “beat” — even if that “victory” is as small as winning an argument or out-talking someone. That mindset becomes part of his personality, and it follows him everywhere.

Some people also carry insecurities from physical appearance, education level, or financial status. Instead of working to improve those areas, they find comfort in criticizing or undermining others who have what they lack. It’s easier to throw stones than to build.

The Different Types of Insecure People

1. The Overcompensator – Loud, flashy, and always “on.” They hide their insecurities behind aggression, material possessions, and constant bragging.

2. The Underminer – Smiles in your face but talks you down to others. They spread doubt about your abilities so they can look better by comparison.

3. The Competitor – Turns everything into a contest. If you share good news, they have to one-up you. If you’ve done something, they’ve done something “better.”

4. The Gatekeeper – Uses power or influence to block your progress, just so you don’t outshine them.

5. The Shadow – Follows your every move, copies your style, and tries to beat you at being yourself.

The Tactics They Use to Kill Your Shine

• Talking Over You – They interrupt or dominate conversations so your voice isn’t heard.

• Backhanded Compliments – They pretend to praise you but slip in a dig to chip away at your confidence.

• Spreading Doubt – Whispering to others that you’re “not really all that” or that you can’t be trusted.

• Sabotaging Opportunities – Delaying, blocking, or downplaying chances for you to grow.

• Public Challenges – Trying to “check” you in front of others to make themselves look strong.

Why They’re So Hard to Deal With

Dealing with an insecure person isn’t just frustrating — it’s exhausting. Every interaction feels like a battle. You can’t have a simple conversation without it turning into a debate. You can’t share an accomplishment without them finding a way to undercut it. You can’t relax around them because they’re always looking for an angle to make themselves feel superior.

What makes it unbearable is that their need to compete is endless. No matter how much they “win” in their mind, they’ll need to prove themselves again tomorrow. You can’t fill a bottomless pit, and that’s exactly what their insecurity is.

How to Protect Yourself

• Set Boundaries – Limit your time and energy around them.

• Refuse the Contest – Don’t take the bait. Walk away instead of arguing.

• Call Out the Behavior – Calmly point out when they’re being disrespectful.

• Stay Confident – Keep shining regardless of their efforts to dim your light.

• Surround Yourself with the Secure – Build relationships with people who are happy to see you win.

At the end of the day, insecure people are everywhere. You’ll find them in your family, your workplace, your circle of friends, and yes — even in the mirror if you’re not careful. The goal is not to hate them, but to understand them and protect yourself from their poison.

Confidence is not arrogance. True confidence doesn’t need to put anyone down to stand tall. When you know who you are, you can spot the difference between someone offering constructive feedback and someone trying to clip your wings.

Remember this: an insecure person will fight harder to see you fail than they will to see themselves succeed. That’s why you have to move with wisdom. Let your actions speak, let your results shine, and never waste your energy proving your worth to someone who’s already decided to misunderstand you.

If you let them, insecure people will drain your spirit, block your blessings, and make you doubt yourself. Don’t give them that power. Your life is not a contest they get to win.

Stand firm, stay grounded, and keep your eyes on your own lane. Their insecurity is not your burden to carry. And if you keep shining, no amount of shade will put out your light.